Andrea:
And what we wanted to do, was share a simple personality model, really going, taking it right back to basics. Okay. Good, you can hear.
Jon:
Thank you, Hazel.
Andrea:
Wonderful. Taking things right back to basics to help you anticipate how people will behave. To understand why some people behave the way that they do. To understand more about who you are, and what you need, and how you can be supported during this time. Because the more we understand each other, the more we can give, what we call, space and grace.
Jon:
Yep.
Andrea:
Give everybody space to be who they are, grace when they get it wrong. When we grate against each other, up close and personal at home. So, two axes to just think about. Might show you a picture if we can, to get the model going. But if you think of-
Jon:
Yep. I think we will be able to get that, one sec… bear with me.
Andrea:
… On one axis, if you think of people who are very task-focused, versus people who are very-
Jon:
… just get it off the printer.
Andrea:
… people-focused. Not just yet-
Jon:
Here you go.
Andrea:
… I’ll show it in a minute.
Jon:
Okay.
Andrea:
So some people are driven by what needs to get done, and that’s their focus. Some people are very in tune with people, and how people will respond and make their decisions based on the impact on the people around them, rather than just focus on the task. So that’s one dimension-
Jon:
And the example I like to use, just to bring that alive, is if you imagine, say you’re all in a boat and you’re trying to get to the other side. There’s some people who will focus just on getting to the other side, and they will make that happen. Come hell or high water, they will make that happen. But there may be nobody left in the boat with them when they get to the other side. Whereas the other type of people will be all about the people. They may never get to the other side, but everybody will stay together. They’ll make sure everybody’s very comfortable and very happy. And that’s the difference between those two-
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
… those dimensions there.
Andrea:
In their extreme.
Jon:
Yeah.
Andrea:
So that’s one dimension. The other dimension is people who were born to lead. They are just wired to take charge and to lead. And at the other end of that spectrum are people who are, they’re okay to lead, but they’re quite happy to follow. They don’t have to be in charge. They don’t have to lead. So when you put those two dimensions together, you end up with, well, we have caricatures, which explain the personality in their extreme. Now, we’ll say up front, nobody is extreme anything. We’re all a blend with different aspects of all four positions that you can be in this model. But we want to show this to you, to give you a visual. So there you go. So in the top right, you end up with lions.
Jon:
Yeah, that’s top left to them.
Andrea:
Well, over here, lions who are very task-focused and they want to be in charge. Beavers, who are task focused, happy to allow others to be in charge. Retrievers, who are people focused and happy to follow. And otters, who are people focused, and want to be in charge as well. And we’ll just explain. I’ll just hold that up there for a minute for you to see it. Because what we want to do, is explain what their strengths are. Because they’re all-
Jon:
Yep.
Andrea:
… We actually want all these personalities around us, because all the personality types bring a particular strength that we need.
Jon:
Correct.
Andrea:
The challenge is to learn how to live with each other, or when we start grating against the differences that they represent. And that’s what we had to learn.
Jon:
Yeah.
Andrea:
So Jon and I both have very strong lion. Lions like to take charge. They like to lead. And when lions get upset, what-
Jon:
What do you think lions do? When they’re upset, they roar. That’s what lions do. So you got two lions together. They come together, and no lion is giving in. Everybody wants their own way.
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
And that could be a real challenge. We lived that one out, first-hand.
Andrea:
Let me just say, it’s 11:15 now. We know it said 15 minutes, but we started five or 10 minutes late. So we’re happy to go for another five, six minutes or so.
Jon:
We’re seven minutes in. So we can go for another seven minutes.
Andrea:
Yeah. If you’re-
Jon:
Give you the full15 minutes if you’re able to stick around.
Andrea:
If you’re able to stay. If you need to leave, we understand that. But we want to deliver, like we were going to say… like we were going to do. Okay. So the benefits are, lions are very… They’re the leaders. They’re the take-charge. They will get things done. They’re very… They have an intuitive sense of what the right thing to do is, and happy to just make things happen. Not so much focused on how it lands with people, until, that is, they become aware that that’s their Achilles heel. And that’s the whole point of doing this, is that once you understand where you are and the strengths you bring, great. But also understand how you land with people.
Jon:
Yeah. And what’s interesting, they need to learn, actually, the importance of people. Because they’ve absolutely… They’re born… they know what getting a job done is all about.
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
But they actually just need to learn that you’ve got to bring the people with you as well. That bit doesn’t come naturally to them.
Andrea:
Yeah. But if you’re ever in a crisis or a fire, you want a lion. Or just say-
Jon:
They will get you out of there.
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
They will make it happen. Absolutely.
Andrea:
Yeah. Very goal focused. Otters are the creative, the fun loving, inspiring people. They’re the networkers. They’re people who know people, who know people. The challenge for them is they can get bored very easily. And I can say that because I’m one of them. I have strong otter in me as well, which means in the home situation in lockdown, you need to find different ways to entertain yourself.
Jon:
Yep.
Andrea:
Even if it’s doing a different meal, or going outside, or working in a different area of the house, because the boredom becomes a challenge.
Jon:
But the beauty is otters will make, they will make lockdown fun-
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
… because they need fun to live and to survive. They will make things fun around you. So it’s great to have otters in situations like this, they make it fun.
Andrea:
Yeah. Beavers are the attention to detail people. They’re the ones who give us quality in this world. They will be precise. They will… 80% isn’t good enough. They will work things through in detail to the nth degree. I thank God that I have a beaver in my life, because I get bored. 80% is fine, and I’m ready to move on. Jon will work through the detail, and actually write letters in the box instead of [laughter]
Jon:
And in a situation like this, with the… Where you’re having to now shop two weeks out, and not go to the supermarket every day and so on. Again, the beavers, I can say this, because I am, that’s what we’ve been living, is these are the ones who will make a list of all the things that we’ve bought in the house. And this is what we have. And this is where it is. So we know where things are. That’s just how beavers function. Now, if you’re not a beaver, it can be seen as a little bit retentive maybe, some people might say. A bit frustrating, but beavers just need order in their lives. They need to know where things are. And in a crisis situation, actually, that can be a good thing.
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
You don’t realize it until you need it. But when you need it, then it’s there for you.
Andrea:
So in lockdown, the beavers will probably be the ones who will insist on doing things perfectly, and wanting to do things in full detail. Sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes, the next session we’re going to talk about choosing your battles. And this is one of those things where you understand the personality, and you have a bit of give and take. You can have a conversation about, do we really need to be as detailed with this? Does it have to be as perfect with this? Does the house have to be as tidy, now that you’re all around? You’ll know the things. You’ll start to recognize the personality traits, and recognize some of the ways that they show up in the home. Respect the fact that this is how they’re wired, but also give each other some slack, and say, “You know what? Life’s a bit different at home now. Maybe we don’t need to be going… We can close the door on the boys rooms or-”
Jon:
Yeah. I was going to say, because beavers are the ones who are most likely to get frustrated by mess, and untidiness, and just chaos around them. They can’t function like that. They need order to survive.
Andrea:
Yeah. But without judging. And that’s the thing, is to realize that not everybody sees it as mess. Not everybody worries about it. Some people are happy to step over it and still function very well. But some things that cause stress to certain personality types, you can talk about how you support each other-
Jon:
Yeah.
Andrea:
… to be at peace at home. We haven’t spoken about the retrievers. The retrievers… Chances are they’re the ones who will be out, because retrievers are your carers. Your nurses. Your teachers. They’re the ones who are very relational. They’re the safe-
Jon:
Naturally.
Andrea:
… shoulder to cry on. They’re the people who make relationships work really well. So if they’re home with you, they’re probably the ones who might be pouring themselves into making sure everybody else is doing okay. And sometimes, it means they do that at the expense of what they need themselves. They’re probably the ones who will need more quiet time and more space away, without having to be pouring into other people, because that’s what they tend to spend a lot of their time doing.
Jon:
So yeah. No, I was just going to say, so the important thing is, all of these personality types have real value in them. Just too much of them is where you can actually have a problem. Too much lion. Too much golden retriever. Too much beaver. Too much otter. And so, people… The point is people need to recognize what their tendencies are. And these are just tendencies. They’re not-
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
… pigeonholing. They’re not locking people in, pigeonholing, locking people down forever. It’s just saying, this is what your natural tendencies are. You need to be aware of that. And tone them down where they’re too much, or beef them up where they’re just not enough. You haven’t got enough, whatever it happens to be in you. And it’s about, not about watering things down so there’s nothing there. Whoops. Whoops, whoops, whoops, whoops. Knocking things over here. But actually having, getting to the point where there is, in the right situation, if you need to rise and be a lion, you can do that. If you need the people side of things, the golden retriever side of things, in a situation where it’s important to bring the people along with you. You need to up your game in that area.
Andrea:
Or make sure you have a golden retriever in there with you.
Jon:
Indeed. That’s part of the team with you, who will focus on that.
Andrea:
It’s recognizing that we all have blind sides.
Jon:
Yep.
Andrea:
And once you know that you have a blind side, you can be more alert to it, and be more caring for everybody around you. But the key thing is to know that we’re wired differently. We all have different strengths, which means we show up in a certain way. Just be aware of how what you do impacts the people around you, now that you’re in lockdown. Don’t try and change people, or judge them. Realize that they’re wired differently. Where things grate, be able to talk about it. And just be there for each other. Be there in a more supportive way, rather than in a criticizing or a judging way. That’s what we had to learn, is to give each other space and grace to be. Agree what is okay. Agree what’s too much mess for example.
Jon:
Yeah.
Andrea:
And find a way to make life in lockdown work.
Jon:
Yeah.
Andrea:
So hope that was helpful. It just feels so fast and furious, that’s trying to truncate. What do we say? What do we include? Next time, we’re going to talk about choosing your battles, because, of course, with personality differences, you’ll find that there would be times when the difference is so great, it causes a conflict. And we’re going to talk about how you choose your battles. And then, how you actually do battle… do “battle” well.
Jon:
Which is coming after.
Andrea:
And strengthen the relationship, rather than damage it. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about on Thursday.
Jon:
On Thursday. Thursday, 11 o’clock. And prayerfully, technology will behave itself this time.
Andrea:
Is it, no? Thursday is three.
Jon:
It’s 3 o’clock. I beg your pardon. 3 o’clock in the afternoon on Thursday-
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
… the ninth.
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
Yeah.
Andrea:
So I hope that was helpful. Thanks for bearing with us. Sorry, the technology didn’t work. I don’t know what we can do about that. It’s like YouTube was overloaded. But anyway-
Jon:
It’s behaving now.
Andrea:
… Yeah. We finally got live, and we got to share some stuff with you. Hope that was helpful. And look forward to seeing you on Thursday.
Jon:
See you on Thursday. You’re probably going to have to re-register for Thursday because it’s, each session as an independent session. So-
Andrea:
Yeah.
Jon:
… sign up to Thursday. We’ll see you then. Bye bye.
Andrea:
Okay. Bye bye.